the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
