Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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