I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
