so explain again why im purple
no
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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