forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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