Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
