I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
