9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sober January is a disaster.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
