I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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