my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize