i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
