Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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