Ambien. No doubt about it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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