you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
