my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
