i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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