last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
