Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need water and some morals
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
