Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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