fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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