I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
