I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Every concussion has its silver lining
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
