I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
