Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
