Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize