Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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