matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
