I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
