O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
