FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
