Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
