Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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