Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
