I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
