She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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