Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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