I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he thought i was a dude.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drake has all the answers
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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