I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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