Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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