i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
