How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
