It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
