It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Of course I have a pirate flag
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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