she woke up with a sticky ear
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
