My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize