This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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