I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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