my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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