I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
