Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
