I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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