I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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