she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
