the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
