talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
