My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Success! We fucked roommates!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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