I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
