Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i need an iv and a liver transplant
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
