I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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