my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize