Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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