She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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