I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
