he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
