No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
