Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
