I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
