The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
