I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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