I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We are all done wearing pants today
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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