WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
