ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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