you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
